The Hangover Naruto Style
by Fox Among Foxes
Summary: It's The Hangover movie just staring some of the Naruto Cast.    Rated M For Crude Humor
1. The Beginning

**Disclaimer -Hey What is up People Just so you know i don't own The Hangover Or Naruto-**

You've reached Shikamaru. Sorry I missed your call.

Please leave a name and number and I'll get back to you.

Hi, you've reached...

...Dr. Sasuke Uchiha with Divine Dentistry.

Please leave a message after...

Hey, this is Naruto.

Leave me a message or don 't.  
>Do me a favor, don 't text me. It's gay.<p>

Temari's Mom - Anything?

Temari - I tried them all.  
>It keeps going straight to voicemail.<p>

Temari's Mon - Well, there has to be an explanation.

Kage - Sweetie, it's Vegas.  
>You lose track of time in casinos.<br>There's no windows, there's no clocks.  
>He's probably on a heater.<br>And you never walk away from the table when you're on a heater.

Temari's Mom You do if you're getting married.

-Cell Phone Ringing-  
>Temari - Hello?<br>- Ahem, Ino, it's Naruto.

Temari - Naruto, where the hell are you guys?  
>I'm freaking out.<p>

Naruto - Yeah, listen.

Uh...

We f*cked up.

Temari - What are you talking about?

Naruto - The bachelor party,  
>the whole night. It...<p>

Things got out of control, uh...

...and we lost Shikamaru.

Temari - What?  
>Naruto- We can't find Shikamaru.<p>

Temari - What are you saying, Naruto?  
>We're getting married in five hours.<p>

Naruto - Yeah.

That's not gonna happen.

-Time Change 90 Hours Before And Scene Change House -  
>Neji The Taylor -To my left a little.<p>

Back.

Okey-dokey.

Gaara - Whoa, watch it, pervert!  
>Shikamaru - Kiba, he's just doing your inseam.<p>

Gaara - He's getting very close to my shaft.  
>Neji- All done. You can change now.<p>

Shikamaru - Right. Thanks, Neji.  
>Thank you very much.<p>

All right, buddy,  
>we should get a move on.<p>

Gaara - You know, Shikamaru, I was thinking...

If you wanna go to Vegas without me,  
>that is totally cool, you know?<p>

Shikamaru - What are you talking about?

Gaara -You know, Naruto and Sasuke, they're your buddies, and it's your bachelor party.

Shikamaru - Come on, Gaara. Those two love you.

Gaara - And also, I don't want you to feel like you have to hold back...

...because your wife's brother's there.  
>I just...<p>

Shikamaru - It's not like that.

It's not like that.  
>I already told you, Gaara.<p>

Okay We're just spending the night in Vegas. It's no big deal.

Besides, you're not just my wife's brother, you're my brother now.

Gaara - I want you to know, Shikamaru,  
>I'm a steel trap.<p>

Whatever happens tonight, I will never, ever, ever, speak a word of it.

Shikamaru - Okay. Yeah, I got it. Thank you.  
>I don't think that...<p>

Gaara - Seriously. I don't care what happens.

I don't care if we kill someone.

Shikamaru- What?

Garra - You heard me. It's Sin City.

I won't tell a soul.

Shikamaru - Okay. I got it.

Thank you.

Gaara - No, thank you.

I love you so much.

Shikamaru - No. Kage.

Really?

Kage - Come on, we're family now.

Shikamaru - You sure? I mean, you love this car.

Kage - Shikamaru, it's just a car.

Just make sure to put some Armor All on the tires so the sand doesn't seep in.

Shikamaru - Absolutely. That's easy.

Kage - Oh, and, uh, don't let Garra drive...

...because there's something wrong with him.

Shikamaru - Understood.  
>Kage - Oh, and Naruto either. I don't like him.<p>

Shikamaru - I will be the only one driving this car.  
>I promise.<p>

Kage - Good.

Remember, what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas.

Shikamaru - Ah!

Kage - Except for herpes.  
>That shit'll come back with you.<p>

-Scene Change Class Room-  
>Naruto - All right. Hold on. I still need some of your permission slips...<p>

...and $90 for the field trip to the Griffith Observatory next weekend.

Pay now, or forever regret missing out on the experience of a lifetime, guys.

You're good, you got it.

Russel - Thanks, Mr. Uzumaki.  
>Naruto - Thank you, Russ.<p>

Thanks. Thanks, Bobbitt, way to go.

Hold on, I got it.

Gaara - Ahem, do you have to park so close?

Shikamaru - Yeah. What's wrong?  
>Gaara - I shouldn't be here.<p>

Shikamaru - Why is that, Gaara?

Gaara - I'm not supposed to be within 200 feet of a school.

Shikamaru - What?  
>Garra - Or a Chuck E. Cheese.<br>Random Kid - Mr. Uzumaki, I was...  
>Naruto - It's the weekend Butnick.<p>

I don't know you. You do not exist.

Shit.

Shikamaru- Heh, heh, heh.

Naruto- Nice car.

Shikamaru- Yeah.

Naruto - I'm driving.

Shikamaru - Whoa, no chance,  
>buddy... Don't step...<p>

God. Watch the leather...

Naruto - Shut up and drive before these nerds ask me another question.

Shikamaru - Animal.  
>Naruto - Who's this?<p>

Shikamaru - It's Gaara. Temari's brother.  
>Gaara- I met you, like, four times.<p>

Naruto - Oh, yeah. How you doing, man?

-Scene Change In Front of Sasuke's House-  
>Sakura - Don't forget your Rogaine.<p>

Sasuke - Rogaine, check.

Sakura - And don't forget to use it.

I can totally tell when you forget,  
>your hair just looks thinner.<p>

Sasuke - Using of the Rogaine, check.

Sakura - Make sure to call me right when you get to the hotel...

...not like that conference in Phoenix.

I had to wait two hours for you to call me.

Sasuke - Yeah, I was the keynote speaker.  
>I was late to the podium.<p>

Sakura - Still?

Sasuke - Yeah, you're totally right. I'm sorry.

-He goes in for the kiss and she turns away-  
>Sasuke- What is the matter?<p>

Sakura- I don't know.

I hope you're not gonna go to some strip club when you're up there.

Sasuke - Sakura, we're going to Napa Valley.

I don't even think they have strip clubs in wine country.

Sakura - Well, I'm sure if there is one,  
>Naruto will sniff it out.<p>

Sasuke - It's not gonna be like that.

Besides, you know how I feel about that.

Sakura - I know, I know. It's just boys and their bachelor parties, it's gross.

Sasuke - You're right, it is gross.

Sakura - Not to mention it's pathetic.

Sasuke- Mm-hm.

Sakura- Those places are filthy.

Sasuke- Yeah.

Sakura - And the worst part is...

...that little girl...

...grinding and dry humping the fucking stage up there...

...that's somebody's daughter up there.  
>Sasuke - I was just gonna say that.<p>

Sakura -See? I just wish your friends were as mature as you.

Sasuke - They are mature, actually. You just have to get to know them better.

Naruto - Paging Dr. Faggot.

Dr. Faggot!

Sasuke - I should go.

Sakura- That's a good idea, Dr. Faggot.

Sasuke - Have a good weekend.  
>I'm gonna miss you.<p>

-He goes in for the kiss and she turns away so he kiss's shirt-  
>Gaara - Whoo!<p>

Road trip!

Vegas! Vegas, baby!

Vegas!

Do or die!

-Get's Finger From Little Girl So He Turns Away Hurt Naruto - Come on, just till Barstow.  
>Everybody's passing us.<p>

Shikamaru - Absolutely not. I promised Sid.  
>I will be the only one driving this car.<p>

Besides, you're drinking.

Naruto - Oh, what are you, a cop now?  
>You know I drive great when I'm drunk.<p>

Sasuke - That's true. Don't forget, Naruto was always our designated drunk driver.

Shikamaru - Yeah. You wanna explain it to them, Gaara?

Garra - Guys, my dad loves this car more than he loves me, so, yeah.

Naruto - Aw, whatever. I left my wife and kid at home so I could go with you guys to Vegas.

You know how difficult that was?

Gaara - That's really sweet Naruto.

Shikamaru - Yeah.

Naruto- Dude, I was being sarcastic.

I f*cking hate my life.

I may never go back.  
>I might stay in Vegas.<p>

Shikamaru - Here we go.

Naruto - You know what Shikamaru, you should enjoy yourself,  
>because come Sunday...<p>

...you're gonna start dying just a little bit every day.

Gaara - Yeah. That's why I've managed to stay single this whole time, you know?

Sasuke- Oh, really? That's why you're single?

Gaara- Yeah.

Sasuke - Cool. Good to know.

Shikamaru- Am I all right over there, Gaara ?

Gaara - Yeah, you're good.

Aw, Jesus Christ!

Naruto - Oh, my God!

Gaara - That was awesome!

Shikamaru -That was not awesome.  
>What's wrong with you?<p>

Sasuke - That was insane. We almost just died.  
>Gaara - You should have seen your face.<p>

Classic.

Naruto- That's funny. Ha-ha.

Shikamaru - It's not funny.

-Scene Change Gas Station-  
>Old Man- Boy, you've got a sweet ride there.<p>

Gaara - Don't touch it.

Don't even look at it. Go on, get out.

You heard me.  
>Don't look at me, either.<p>

-In Store-  
>Gaara - Yeah, you better walk on.<p>

Naruto - He's actually kind of funny.

Shikamaru - Yeah, he means well.

Gaara - I'll hit an old man in public.

Naruto - Is he all there? Like, mentally?

Shikamaru - I think so. He's just an odd guy.  
>You know, he's kind of weird.<p>

Naruto - I mean, should we be worried?  
>Shikamaru - No.<p>

Naruto - All right.  
>Shikamaru - No.<p>

Temari did mention that we shouldn't let him gamble.

Or drink too much.

Naruto - Jesus, he's like a gremlin.  
>Comes with instructions and shit.<p>

Sasuke - And one water.

Shikamaru - All good with Sakura?

Sasuke- Oh, yeah.

Told her we're two hours outside of wine country, and she bought it.

Naruto - You think it's strange you've been in a relationship for years...

...and you have to lie about Vegas?

Sasuke - Yeah, I do.  
>But trust me, it's not worth the fight.<p>

Naruto - Oh, so you can't go to Vegas...

...but she can f*ck a bellhop on a Carnival Cruise Line?

Shikamaru - Hey calm down.

Sasuke - Okay, first of all, he was a bartender.

And she was wasted.

And, if you must know,  
>he didn't even come inside her.<p>

Naruto - And you believe that?

Sasuke - Uh, yeah, I do believe that,  
>because she's grossed out by semen.<p>

Random Clerk - That'll be 32.50.

Naruto - It's 32.50, you gonna pay for it?  
>-He said to Sasuke-<p>

-Back in car driving-

-Gaara reading worlds greatest blackjack book-  
>Gaara - It says here we should work in teams.<br>Who wants to be my spotter?

Shikamaru - I don't think you should be doing too much gambling tonight, Gaara.

Shikamaru - Gambling?  
>Who said anything about gambling?<p>

It's not gambling when you know you're gonna win.

Counting cards is a foolproof system.

Sasuke - It's also illegal.

Gaara - It's not illegal, it's frowned upon,  
>like masturbating on an airplane.<p>

Naruto - I'm pretty sure that's illegal too.

Gaara - Yeah, maybe after 9/11,  
>where everybody got so sensitive.<p>

Thanks a lot, Bin Laden.

Shikamaru - Either way, you gotta be super smart to count cards, buddy, okay?

Gaara - Oh, really?  
>Shikamaru - It's not easy.<p>

Gaara - Well maybe we should tell that to Rain Man...

...because he practically bankrupted a casino, and he was a ratard.

Sasuke - What?

Gaara - He was a ratard.

Shikamaru - Retard.

-Driving into Vegas-

Hot Babe - Hey

Naruto - Here we go.

Check In Lady - Hi, welcome to Caesars.

Naruto - Hello.

Check In Lady- Checking in?

Sasuke - Yeah. We have a reservation under Dr. Uchiha.

Check In Lady - Okay, let me look that up for you.

Naruto - Dr. Price?

Sas, you're a dentist, okay?  
>Don't try and get fancy.<p>

Sasuke - It's not fancy if it's true.  
>Naruto - He's a dentist. Don't get too excited.<p>

And if, uh, someone has a heart attack,  
>you should still call 911.<p>

Check In Lady - We'll be sure to do that.

Gaara - Can I ask you a question? Do you know if the hotel's pager-friendly?

Check In Lady - What do you mean?

Gaara- I'm not getting a sig on my beeper.

Check In Lady - I'm not sure.

Gaara - Is there a payphone bank?

Bunch of payphones? Business.

Check In Lady - Um, there's a phone in your room.

Gaara - That'll work.

Check In Lady - So I have you in a two-bedroom suite on the 12th floor, is that okay?

Sasuke - It sounds perfect.

Naruto - Actually, I was wondering if you had any villas.

Sasuke - Naruto we're not even gonna be in the room.

Shikamaru - It's unnecessary.

Sasuke - No big deal. We can share beds.  
>It's one night.<p>

Gaara - If we're share beds,  
>I'm bunking with Naruto.<p>

You good with that?

Naruto- No, I'm not.

Guys, we are not sharing beds.  
>What are we, 12 years old?<p>

Lisa, I apologize.  
>How much is the villa?<p>

Lisa The Check In Lady - Well, we have one villa available,  
>and it's 4200 for the night.<p>

Gaara - Is it awesome?

Lisa The Check In Lady - It's pretty awesome.

Naruto - We'll take it. Give her your credit card.

Sasuke - I can't give her my credit card.

Shikamaru- We'll split it.  
>Naruto - Are you crazy? No, this is on us.<p>

Sasuke - You don't get it.  
>Sakura checks my statements.<p>

Lisa The Check In Lady -We just need a credit card on file.

We won't charge you until check out,  
>so you can figure it out then.<p>

Naruto - That's perfect. Thank you, Lisa.  
>We'll deal with it tomorrow. Come on.<p>

Sasuke - Fine.

Gaara- Can I ask you another question?  
>Lisa The Check In Lady - Sure.<p>

Gaara - You probably get this a lot.

This isn't the real Caesars Palace,  
>is it?<p>

Lisa The Check In Lady - What do you mean?

Gaara - Did, uh...

Did Caesar live here?

Lisa The Check In Lady - Um, no.

Garra - I didn't think so.

**End Of Chapter 1**

Please Review


	2. Before It All Started

**Disclaimer -Hey What is up People Just so you know i don't own The Hangover Or Naruto**

**-**Shikamaru -Holy shit.

Naruto - Now, this is Vegas.

Shikamaru - Oh, my... This place is enormous.

Naruto - Now we're talking.

Shikamaru - Is this all one suite?

Thank you, guys.

Or should I say, "Thank you, Sasuke"?

Sasuke - You're welcome.  
>It's only because I love you.<p>

Naruto - Okay, ladies, pick a room, get dressed. Let's be ready in 30 minutes.

-Scene Skip Sasuke's Room-

-On Phone With Sakura-  
>Sasuke - just wish you could see this place,<br>because you, of all people, would love it.

Yeah. No, it's so quaint.

Yeah, no, there's no TVs, no phones.

They just have these cute little antique radios in all the rooms.

Yeah.

What else? Um...

We met the, uh, proprietor.

Oh, I bet you...  
>What's his name?<p>

Um, Caesar. Vinaigrette.

Yeah, like the salad.

Okay. Well, listen, I gotta go, because we're gonna hit this wine tasting.

Wait, wait. I love you. Okay. Bye.

Naruto - I'm not even gonna say anything,  
>it's so embarrassing.<p>

Where's Gaara?  
>Shikamaru - He, uh, he went downstairs.<p>

He said he had to grab a few things.

Sasuke - Good, because I have something to show you.

Shikamaru -Uh-Oh.

Naruto - What the hell is that?

Sasuke- What do you think?

Naruto - If it's what I think it is,  
>I think it's a big F*cking mistake.<p>

Sasuke - I'm gonna propose to Sakura at your wedding. After the ceremony.

Shikamaru - Sasuke, congratulations!

Sasuke- Thank you, Shikamaru.

Shikamaru - That's a beautiful ring.

Sasuke- Yeah. It's my grandmother's.

She made it all the way through the Holocaust with that thing.

It's Legit

Naruto - Wait, have you not listened to anything I have ever said?

Sasuke - Naruto, we've been dating for three years.  
>It's time. This is how it works.<p>

Naruto - A, that is bullshit.  
>And B, she is a complete bitch.<p>

Shikamaru - Hey, that's his fianc e.

Naruto - What? It's true. It's true.  
>You know it's true. She beats him.<p>

Sasuke - That was twice, and I was out of line.

She's strong-willed. And I respect that.

Naruto - Wow. Wow.

He's in denial.  
>Not to mention, she F*cked a sailor.<p>

Shikamaru - Hey, he wasn't a sailor.

He was a bartender on a cruise ship.  
>You know that.<p>

Guys, I'm standing right here. So I can hear everything that you're saying.

Gaara - Hey, guys.  
>You ready to let the dogs out?<p>

Naruto - What?  
>Sasuke - Do what?<p>

Gaara - You Know. Let the dogs out. You know.

Naruto - Who brought this guy?

Shikamaru - Yes, Gaara, we are ready to let the dogs out.

Hey, congrats.

Sasuke - Thank you.

Naruto - I love this F*cking town.

You're not really wearing that, are you?

Gaara - Wearing what?

Naruto - The man-purse.

Naruto - You're actually gonna wear that or are you guys F*cking with me?

Gaara It's where I keep all my things.  
>I get a lot of compliments on this.<p>

Plus, it's not a man-purse.  
>It's called a satchel.<p>

Indiana Jones wears one.

Naruto - So does Joy Behar.

Random Guy - We're going up, guys.

Naruto- Yeah, that's perfect.

Random Guy - Really?

Shikamaru - We're going up?

-Scene Change Hotel Roof-  
>Sasuke - I'm just saying,<br>it's clearly marked, okay?

We are definitely not supposed to be up here.

Naruto Come on Sasuke , we're paying for a villa.  
>We can do whatever the F*ck we want.<p>

Sasuke - Yeah, but...  
>Naruto - Just wedge the door open.<p>

Naruto - Guys, come on up here.  
>Sasuke - Fine.<p>

Shikamaru - How the hell did you find this place?

Naruto - Don't worry about it.

Shikamaru - Oh!

You all right?

Gaara - Yeah.

Shikamaru - Look at the view up here.  
>Naruto- You happy?<p>

Shikamaru - This is great.  
>Sasuke - Whoa!<p>

Are you kidding?

Naruto - Gaara, how we doing, buddy?  
>Gaara - Good.<p>

Shikamaru - What do you got over there, Gaara?

Sasuke - That's the Eiffel Tower.

Shikamaru - Uh-oh.

Gaara - Right?  
>Shikamaru - A little J germeister.<p>

Good idea.

Naruto - There it is. Good call.

Shikamaru - On the roof.

Sasuke - Um, no, this is good.  
>I'd like to make a toast.<p>

To Shikamaru and Temari.

May tonight be...

...but a minor speed bump...

...in an otherwise very long and healthy marriage.

Everyone- Cheers.  
>Everyone- Cheers.<p>

Naruto - Short and sweet.

Shikamaru - Oh, it's like college.

Naruto - All right. I wanna talk about something.  
>Shikamaru - All right.<p>

Gaara - I want to...  
>I'd like to...<p>

I'd like to say something...

...that I prepared...

...tonight.

Sasuke - All right, Gaara.

Gaara - "Hello.

How about that ride in?

I guess that's why they call it Sin City.

You guys might not know this,  
>but I consider myself a bit of a loner.<p>

I tend to think of myself as a one-man wolf pack.

But when my sister brought Shikamaru home,  
>I knew he was one of my own.<p>

And my wolf pack, it grew by one.

So were there two... So there were two of us in the wolf pack.

I was alone first in the pack,  
>and then Shikamaru joined in later.<p>

And six months ago...

...when Shikamaru introduced me to you guys, I thought:

'Wait a second. Could it be?'  
>And now, I know for sure.<p>

I just added two more guys to my wolf pack."

Sasuke - All right.  
>Naruto - All right.<p>

"Four of us wolves...

...running around the desert together in Las Vegas...

...Iooking for strippers and cocaine."

So tonight...

...I make a toast.  
>Everyone - Whoa.<p>

- What...?  
>Shikamaru - What do you got there?<p>

Everyone- Dude, what the F*ck?  
>What the hell are you doing?<p>

Sasuke - What is that?  
>- Blood brothers.<p>

Sasuke - Don't... Why did you...?  
>Damn it.<p>

Gaara- Here.  
>Shikamaru - Gaara...<p>

Naruto - No.  
>Sasuke - No, I'm not doing that.<p>

Gaara- Go ahead, Sasuke.

Sasuke- Make him stop.

Shikamaru - Gaara, we're not gonna cut ourselves.  
>Give me the knife.<p>

Slowly. Thank you.  
>Okay. Thank you very much.<p>

Naruto - You all right? Are you okay?  
>Gaara - Mm-hm.<p>

Naruto - Do you need a doctor?  
>Shikamaru - He's good.<p>

Naruto - You sure?  
>Gaara - I'm good.<p>

Naruto - Perfect. Gaara, come here, buddy.  
>Get in here, crazy.<p>

All right, to a night the four of us will never forget.

Everyone- There it is.  
>Hear, hear.<p>

Shikamaru- Hey, thanks, guys.


	3. It Has Begun

**Disclaimer -Hey What is up People Just so you know i don't own The Hangover Or Naruto**

-All Night Party-

-Next Morning-

-Scene Messed Up Villa-

-Random Women Leaves Villa-

-Sasuke Fricking Confused And Colapses on Couch-

-Gaara Stands Up And Falls Down And Gets Back Up And Walks To The Bathroom-  
>Gaara - Hm.<p>

Stupid tiger.

AHHH Naruto - What the F*ck?

Control yourself, man.  
>Goddamn, will you put on some pants?<p>

Gaara - Naruto, do not go in the bathroom.

Naruto - Gaar, just calm down. It's me.

Gaara Naruto, there is a tiger in the bathroom.

Sasuke - What's going on?

Gaara - There's a jungle cat in the bathroom!

Naruto - Okay, okay, Gaar. Gaar, I'll check it out.

Gaara - Don't go in.

Don't go in, don't go in.  
>Be careful. Don't, don't.<p>

Gaara - See? See?  
>Naruto- Oh! Holy F*ck! He's not kidding.<p>

There's a tiger in there.

Sasuke - No, there isn't.

Gaara - Yeah!  
>It's big. Gigantic.<p>

Naruto - You okay, buddy?

Sasuke - No. I am in so much pain right now.

Naruto - Goddamn. Look at this place.

Whew.

Sasuke - I know. Naruto, they have my credit card downstairs. I am so screwed.

Gaara - How does a tiger get in the bathroom?  
>It almost killed me.<p>

Naruto - Hey, bro?  
>You mind putting on some pants?<p>

I find it a little weird I have to ask twice.

Gaara - Pants at a time like this?  
>I don't have any p...<p>

Naruto - What the F*ck happened last night?

Sasuke - Hey, Naruto, am I missing a tooth?

Naruto - I can't... Oh, shit.

Sasuke - Oh, my God.

My lateral incisor's... It's gone!

Naruto - It's okay. Okay, okay. Just calm down.  
>We're fine. Everything's fine.<p>

Gaara, go wake up Shikamaru .

Let's get some coffee and get the F*ck out of Nevada...

...before housekeeping shows.

Sasuke - What am I gonna tell Sakura?  
>I lost a tooth.<p>

I have no idea how it happened.

Naruto - You're freaking me out, man.

I got a massive headache, okay?  
>Let's just calm down.<p>

Sasuke - How am I supposed to calm down?  
>Look around you.<p>

Gaara - Hey, guys, he's not in there.

Naruto - Did you check all the rooms?

Gaara - Yeah, I looked everywhere.  
>Plus, his mattress is gone.<p>

Naruto - Whatever He probably went to the pool to get something to eat.

I'll just call his cell.

Sasuke - I look like a nerdy hillbilly.

Gaara - Hello?  
>- Gaara.<p>

Gaara - Hey.

Naruto - It's Naruto.

Gaara- Oh, hey, Phi...

This is Shikamaru 's phone.  
>This is Shikamaru 's phone.<p>

Naruto - No shit.

Gaara - Yeah.

-Baby Crying-  
>Sasuke - What the F*ck is that?<p>

-Open Closet Door-  
>Naruto - Whose F*cking baby is that?<p>

Sasuke - Gaara, are you sure you didn't see anyone else in the suite?

Gaara - Yeah, I checked all the rooms.  
>No one's here.<p>

Check its collar or something.

Sasuke - Shh. Shh.

It's okay, baby.

Naruto - Sasuke, we don't have time for this.

Let's go hook up with Shikamaru ,  
>we'll deal with the baby later.<p>

Sasuke - Naruto, we're not gonna leave a baby in the room.

There's a F*cking tiger in the bathroom.

Naruto - It's not our baby.

Gaara - Yeah, I gotta side with Sasuke on this one.

Naruto - All right, fine.  
>Okay, we'll take it with us.<p>

Could you at least just find some pants?

-Scene Change In Elevator-  
>Sasuke -Why can't we remember a goddamn thing from last night?<p>

Naruto - Because we obviously had a great F*cking time.

Why don't you just stop worrying for one minute.

Be proud of yourself.

-Elevator Doors Open Lady Steps In-  
>Random Lady - Oh, how cute. What's his name?<p>

Naruto - Ben.

Gaara - Carlos.

Naruto - Carlos?

-Scene Change By Pool-  
>Gaara - Hey, Naruto, look.<p>

- Makes Baby look like it's jacking off-  
>Gaara - He's jacking his little weenis.<p>

Naruto - Pull yourself together, man.

Gaara - Not at the table, Carlos.

Sasuke - I looked everywhere.

Gym, casino, front desk.  
>Nobody's seen Shikamaru . He's not here.<p>

Naruto - He's fine. He's a grown man.

Seriously, Sasuke, you gotta calm down.  
>Here, have some juice.<p>

-Sasuke Hurls-  
>Sasuke - I can't have juice right now.<p>

Naruto - Okay. All right.  
>Let's just track this thing.<p>

What's the last thing we remember doing last night?

Gaara - Well, the first thing was we were on the roof...

...and were having those shots of J ger.

Naruto - And then we ate dinner at The Palm. Right?

Gaara - That's right.

And then we played craps at the Hard Rock, and I think Shikamaru was there.

Naruto - That sounds right.  
>No, no. He definitely was.<p>

Sasuke - You know what, guys?  
>I don't even remember going to dinner.<p>

Naruto - What the F*ck? I don't think I've ever been this hung-over.

Gaara - After the Hard Rock, I blacked out.  
>It was like emptiness.<p>

Naruto - Okay. We have up until 10 p. m...

...so that gives us a 12-hour window where we could have lost him.

Gaara - What is this?

Sasuke - Oh, my God. That is my tooth.

Why do you have that?  
>What else is in your pockets?<p>

Naruto - This is a good thing. No. Check your pockets. Check your pockets.

Do you have anything?

Sasuke - I have an ATM receipt from the Bellagio.

Eleven-oh-five for $800!  
>I am so F*cked.<p>

Gaara - I have a valet ticket from Caesars.  
>- 15 a.m.<p>

Naruto - Oh, shit. We drove last night?

Gaara - Driving drunk. Classic.

-Sacastic Laff From Sasuke-  
>Gaara - What's on your arm?<p>

Naruto - What the F*ck is that?

Sasuke - Jesus, Naruto.

You were in the hospital last night.

Naruto - I guess so, yeah.

Gaara - You okay?

Naruto - Yeah, Gaara. I'm fine.

Sasuke - What the hell is going on?

Naruto - Well, Sasuke, Sasuke, this is a good thing.  
>We have a lead now.<p>

Gaara - Hey, Sasuke, watch this.

-Once Again He Makes Baby look like it's jacking off-

You ever seen a baby do that?

Sasuke - Dude, Gaara, not cool.

-Scene Change Out Front Hotel-  
>Sasuke - So, uh, are you sure you're qualified to be taking care of that baby?<p>

Gaara - What? I've found a baby before.

Sasuke - You found a baby before?  
>Gaara - Yeah.<p>

Sasuke - Where?  
>Gaara - Coffee Bean.<p>

Sasuke - Wait, what?

Gaara - Hey, Naruto? I don't think Shikamaru would want us to take the Mercedes.

Naruto - Relax, we'll be careful.

Gaara - My dad is crazy about that car.  
>He left Shikamaru in charge...<p>

Naruto - Gaara. We got bigger problems here.

Shikamaru could be in the hospital,  
>he could be hurt.<br>Let's worry about the car later.

Sasuke- Uh, guys? Check it out.

-Shikamaru's Bed On Roof Statue-  
>Random Worker - All right, grab it from the other side.<p>

Gaara - Is that the mattress from Shikamaru's room?

Naruto - What the F*ck?

Hey, man, what's going on here?

Random Guy - Some asshole threw his bed out the window last night.

Naruto - No shit.  
>Random Guy - Yeah.<p>

Some guys just can't handle Vegas.

Sasuke - Ha-ha.

Oh, God.

Naruto - It's gonna be okay, Sasuke.

-Look's At Bed On Roof-

How the hell did we manage that?

-Police Car Pulls Up-  
>Vallet - Here's your car, officers.<p>

Sasuke - Oh, God.

Naruto - All right, everybody act cool.  
>All right, don't say a word.<p>

Come on, let's just get in and go.  
>Come on.<p>

Sasuke, you got a five?

Sasuke - No.

Naruto - I'll hit you on the way back.

Vallet - Thank you, sir.

-Sasuke Nailed Baby With Car Door And Baby Starts Crying-

Sasuke -Oh, my God.  
>Oh, my God.<p>

You just nailed the baby.

Gaara - Are my glasses okay?

Sasuke - Your glasses are fine, dick.

-Scene Change Traffic-

Sasuke - This is so illegal.

Naruto - Can't you see the fun part in anything?

Sasuke - Yeah, we're stuck in traffic in a stolen police car...

...with what is sure to be a missing child in the back seat.

Which part of this is fun?

Gaara - I think the cop-car part's pretty cool.  
>Naruto - Thank you, Gaara. It is cool.<p>

Shikamaru would love it.

-Honks Horn-

Naruto - Come on.

Check this out.

Sasuke - Oh, no. No, Naruto. No, Naruto.

Don't do this!

-Starts Driving On Sidewalk-  
>Naruto- Take it easy.<p>

Sasuke- Just try to call more attention to us.

Naruto - Attention.  
>Sasuke - Sorry.<p>

Naruto - Attention, please. Move out of the way.

I repeat, please disperse.

Sasuke - Naruto, stop the car, I wanna get out.  
>Stop the car, I wanna get out. Pull over.<p>

Naruto - Ma'am, in the leopard dress,  
>you have an amazing rack.<p>

-Gaara Laffs-

Sasuke - Get off the sidewalk!  
>Get off the sidewalk!<p>

Naruto - I should have been a F*cking cop.


	4. Oh Shit

-Scene Change Hospital Docter Working On Old Guy-

Random Docter - Look, I already told you.

You came in with a mild concussion,  
>some bruised ribs. No big deal.<p>

Although none of you could articulate how it happened.

Naruto - Do you remember how many of us were here?

Random Docter - Ah...

I don't know. I think it was just you guys. Definitely no baby.

And one other guy.

Sasuke - That's our guy. Was he okay?

Random Docter - Yeah. He was fine. Just whacked out of his mind. You all were.

All right, come forward.  
>And turn.<p>

All right.

-Pulls down Old Guys Pants Naruto And Sasuke Turn Away Gaara Stairs In Shock-

There you go. And cough.

Cough. Cough. Give me one more.

All right. Thattaboy.

Okay, Felix, you can put your robe on.

And the nurse will be in here in a minute.

I'll see you after the weekend.

Old Man - Thank you. Thank you.  
>Thank you, doctor.<p>

Random Docter - Guys, I really gotta go. I'm sorry.  
>I have a surgery up on the fourth floor.<p>

Naruto - No, I know. But we just need a couple more minutes of your time.

-Holds Up A 100 Bucks-  
>Random Docter - Yeah. Tuck it right in there.<br>I don't want to re-sterilize.

Walk with me.

Okay, here we go. Patient name,  
>Sasuke Uchiha, 2:45 a.m. arrival.<p>

Minor concussion, like I said.  
>Some bruising. Pretty standard.<p>

Sasuke - Do you mind if I look?  
>I'm actually a doctor.<p>

Random Docter - Yeah, you said that several times last night. But really, you're just a dentist.

Okay, this is interesting.  
>Your blood work came in this morning.<p>

Wow.

They found a large amount of Ruphylin in your system.

Ruphylin. Roofies.  
>Commonly known as the date-rape drug.<p>

Naruto - What, so, what are you saying,  
>I was raped last night?<p>

Random Docter -Actually...

I don't think so.  
>But someone did slip you the drug.<p>

I'm not surprised you don't remember anything.

Gaara - Doc, none of us can remember anything from last night. Remember?

Naruto - Yeah. How could someone have drugged all of us?

Random Docter - Look I wouldn't worry about it.

By now the stuff's out of your system.  
>You're gonna be fine.<br>I got to go.

Sasuke - Wait, wait, wait. Please, doctor.  
>Is there anything else?<p>

Like, something we may have been talking about...

...or some place we were going?

Actually, there was something.

You guys kept talking about some wedding last night.

Sasuke - Yeah. No shit. Our buddy Shikamaru 's getting married tomorrow.

Naruto - You know what? I want the 100 back.  
>Random Docter - No, no. Easy.<p>

You kept talking about some wedding you just came from.

At the, uh, Best Little Chapel.

You kept saying how sick the wedding was and getting all crazy about it.

Okay, I hope this helps fellas.  
>I really have to leave.<p>

Naruto - Best Little Chapel,  
>do you know where that is?<p>

Random Docter - I do. It's at the corner of Get A Map and F*ck Off.

-Naruto Looks Up Slowly And Is Pissed-

Random Docter - I'm a doctor, not a tour guide.

Figure it out yourself, okay?  
>You're big boys.<p>

-Scene Change Best Little Chapel-

Gaara - What about the baby?

Naruto - Leave him in the car.  
>We're gonna be five minutes.<p>

Sasuke - Whoa, we're not leaving a baby in the car.

Naruto - He'll be fine. I cracked the window.

-Scene Change Inside Best Little Chapel-  
>Sasuke - What if they don't remember us?<br>Naruto - Well, let's just find out.

Excuse me, sir? Hi.

Eddie The Chapel Man - Look at these guys.

What happened?  
>You miss me?<p>

You miss Eddie?  
>You want more from me?<p>

How are you, my friend?  
>Look at this guy. You're F*cking crazy.<p>

What's going on, man?

Listen, I'm gonna tell you something.  
>I know some sick people in my life.<p>

This guy is the craziest, wildest bastard I ever met in my life, man.

-Pointing To Sasuke-  
>Naruto - Who this guy?<br>Eddie - This guy is out of his mind.

What's going on,  
>you F*cking crazy motherF*cker?<p>

I thought he was gonna eat my dick.

What happened?  
>No love for Eddie? You don't hug me?<p>

Sasuke - No, no. It's not that, Eddie.

Uh, it's just that we're having a hard time remembering...

...what happened here last night.

Gaara - Yeah, was there a wedding here?  
>Do you do weddings here?<p>

Eddie - You are cracking my balls, man.

Naruto - Obviously we were here.  
>We're looking for our friend Shikamaru .<br>Do you remember?

Eddie - Yeah, the small guy. Like a monkey.

Gaara - Yeah.

Sasuke - You saw him?

Eddie - Of course.

Sasuke - Is there anything you can tell us about what may have happened last night?

Eddie - You don't remember nothing?

-Scene Change Front Desk Looking At Book Full Of Wedding Pictures-  
>Gaara - Congratulations, Sasuke, you got married.<p>

Sasuke - This... This can't be happening.

Oh, God.

Gaara - Look at that.

Naruto - I'll tell you one thing,  
>you look seriously happy here, man.<p>

Sasuke - That's it. My life is over.

Naruto - Sasuke, it's okay. Look, shit happens.

Come on. Sakura's not gonna know anything about this.

This never happened. I'll take care of it.

Eddie - Come on. Put it here.

Gaara - Hey, what's all that?

Eddie - The High Roller package. It's what you ordered. I have coffee mugs.

Garra - What?

Eddie - You have baseball caps, huh?

And fancy calendars, all with pictures of Sasuke and Ino.

Naruto - Her name's Ino?

Eddie - Yeah, and she's beautiful, man.  
>Clean, very tight. Tits like that.<p>

But that's because she had a baby.

Naruto - That explains the baby.

Gaara - Oh, Carlos. Carlos.

Naruto - Great. All right.

Uh, here's the deal.  
>We made a mistake last night.<p>

We need this marriage annulled.  
>You do annulments?<p>

Eddie - Of course I do. It breaks my heart and gonna make me sad...

...but it's no problem.  
>Good price for you.<p>

I can't do it with just him, though.  
>I need the chick. I need both parties.<p>

Naruto - Oh, not a problem. That's great.  
>Isn't that great, Sasuke?<p>

Come on, buddy.  
>She probably knows where Shikamaru is.<p>

Sasuke - Awesome.

Naruto - All right, all right. Okay. Uh...

We need her address.  
>She filled out some paperwork, right?<p>

Eddie - Of course.

Hey. Excuse me.  
>What is the matter with you?<p>

Go and get the paperwork, man.

I spend my life waiting for you.  
>Come on.<p>

Eddie's Wife - Okay. I'm going.

Eddie - And get the baklava, please.

-Scene Change Leaving Chapel-  
>Gaara- Hey, Naruto, what about my dad's car?<p>

Naruto- I'm sure Shikamaru has it. We'll get it back.

Sasuke - Then I vote we torch the cop car and all this shit with it.

Naruto - Torch it? Who are you?

Sasuke - I don't know, Naruto.

Apparently I'm a guy who marries complete strangers.

This whole situation is completely F*cked.

These mugs. This hat. This car.

-Rips Gaara's Hat Off-

Gaara - Hey!

Sasuke - It's all evidence of a night that never happened.

That is why we're torching all of it.

Naruto - Whoa, I'm a schoolteacher,  
>I got a family, okay?<p>

I'm all for secrecy,  
>but I'm not gonna torch a F*cking cop car.<p>

Sasuke - Fine. I'll do it.

Gaara - Can I help?

Sasuke - Yeah, thanks.

Naruto - Shit is it Shikamaru ?

Sasuke - I don't have it.

It's Shikamaru , it's Shikamaru .

Uh, it's Sakura.

Naruto - Don't answer.  
>Sasuke - I have to. She's called twice already!<p>

Garra - Can I ride shotgun?

Naruto - Don't touch me.

Sasuke - Hey, sweetheart, how are you?

Sakura - There you are.  
>This is the third time I'm trying you.<p>

Sasuke - I know. The reception up here's crazy.

I think it's all the sequoia trees,  
>block the signal.<p>

Sakura - Ugh, I hate that.  
>So how was it last night?<p>

Sasuke - Ah, it was really fun, actually.  
>It was quiet, but it was a good time.<p>

Sakura - That sounds nice.

Sasuke - I'm learning all kinds of vino factoids.

Gaara - Hi.(To The Baby)

lt'd be so cool if I could breast-feed,  
>you know?<p>

Sasuke - Well, listen...

...we're about to go for a tractor ride.

Naruto - What the F*ck?

Sasuke - I should get going.

Sakura - A tractor ride?

Sasuke - So pretty.

Thugs - Go, out of the car!

Sakura- What was that?

Sasuke - They started up the tractor.  
>I think it backfired.<p>

Thug - Where the hell is he?

Naruto - Hey, easy, easy.

I think we're looking for the same guy, okay?

-Thug Smash's Window-  
>Hey! What the hell, man?<p>

-Baby Starts To Cry-  
>Sakura - What the F*ck, Sasuke?<br>Is that a baby?

Sasuke - Why would there be a baby?  
>We're at a winery. That's a goat.<p>

Thug - Where is he?

Naruto - I don't know!  
>What are you talking about?<p>

Sasuke - Sir, can you please start the tractor so we can get out of here?

Naruto - I'm trying to, but we're F*cking blocked.

Sakura - Oh, my God!  
>What the hell is happening, Sasuke?<p>

Gaara - Hey! There's a baby on board!

Sakura - Someone just said "baby."

Thug - Get out of the car!

Sasuke - It's a baby goat.

Eddie - Why you making trouble for my business, man?

Go away from here.

Thug - Get out of the car!

Gaara - Naruto, he's got a gun!

Naruto - No shit he's got a gun!  
>Come on.<p>

Sasuke - I gotta call you back. Bye.

Naruto - F*ck! Shit.  
>Eddie - He shot me!<p>

Sasuke - He shot Eddie!

Naruto - F*ck this shit!

Sasuke - F*ck! F*ck!

Go, go, go!

Naruto - F*ck.

Okay. Oh, that was some sick shit!

Gaara - Who were those guys?

-Sasuke To The Baby-

Sasuke - We're gonna be okay.  
>Everything's gonna be okay.<p>

What the F*ck is going on?

Naruto I have no idea.

-Cell Rings-  
>Naruto - Why don't you just let that go to voicemail?<p>

Sasuke - Ha-ha-ha.

That's a fake laugh, by the way. 


	5. Meeting The Wife!

Aren't I a lazy Jerkwad taking so long to update my favorite story not only torturing me but you as well I expect some comments on how horrible I am._  
><em>

(I do not own Naruto or The Hangover NOT MINE)

Gaara - It's got, uh, Ted Danson and Magnum P.I. and that Jewish actor.

Sasuke - Shut up, Gaara. What room was it again?

Naruto - It's 825.

Ino - I know, I did. I already checked with her. I found him, I'll call you back. Thank God, he's with his father. I was freaking out. I missed you, sweetie. And I miss you.

Sasuke (Random Noise.)

Ino - What the hell happened to you guys?

Naruto - Actually, we were hoping you could tell us.

Ino - What do you mean? I got up this morning, I went to get coffee...

...and I came back and you were gone. Why are you being so quiet?

Sasuke - I'm not being quiet.

Ino - Ha, ha. You're so cute. Yeah, I gotta feed Tyler. Come inside, you guys.

Gaara - Did you hear that? Baby's name is Tyler.

Naruto - Yeah. I thought he looked more like a Carlos too, bud.

Ino - Okay, what's up? You guys are acting weird.

Naruto - Look, its Ino, right?

Ino - Very funny, Naruto.

Naruto - Right, Ino, uh, ahem, you remember our friend, Shikamaru.

Ino - Are you kidding? He was the best man at our wedding.

Naruto - Exactly, Well, we can't find him, and we're getting worried.

Ino - Oh, my God, that is so Shikamaru. Ha, ha. Oh.

Carlos (Crying)

Ino - Oh, sweetie, I'm I'm gonna go clean him off. It's all right, Daddy didn't mean it.

Sasuke - Oh, my God.

Naruto - What the fuck, man, you gotta hold it together.

Sasuke - Holy shit.

Naruto - She is super-hot. You should be proud of yourself.

Sasuke - She's wearing my grandmother's ring!

Naruto - What?

Sasuke - The ring I'm gonna give to Sakura. You remember my grandmother's Holocaust ring?

Naruto - Fuck.

Sasuke- She's wearing it.

Naruto Okay.

Gaara - I didn't know they gave out ring at the Holocaust.

Ino - He's okay.

Naruto - Oh, good.

Ino - He was just hungry, he's fine.

Naruto - Ah, good. About last night, uh, ahem, do you remember the last time you saw Shikamaru?

Ino - Uh, I haven't seen him since the wedding.

Naruto - The wedding. Okay. Great. And, uh, we can't re What time was that at?

Ino - Well, it was, um... I guess it was around 1, because I had to go back to work and finish my shift.

And then when I got out I headed over to the hotel with Tyler.

Naruto - And was Shikamaru there then?

Ino - I didn't see Shikamaru because you guys were passed out. The room was a wreck. So I just curled up next to Stu.

Naruto - Uh-huh.

Ino - Rowr.

Naruto - Oh.

Sasuke - I got a question. Um, you said when your shift ended. Does that mean you're a nurse?

Or a blackjack dealer?

Ino - You know this. I'm a stripper.

Sasuke - Mm-hm.

Ino - Well, technically I'm an escort...but stripping's a great way to meet the clients.

Naruto - That's Smart.

Sasuke - Savvy.

Ino - But that's all in the past, now that I married a doctor.

Sasuke - I'm just a dentist.

Police - Las Vegas Police! Freeze!

Naruto - Okay Hey Hey Hey!

Police - Shut that baby up! Shut that baby up!

Sasuke - Oh, God!

Naruto - Okay, okay, okay.

Don't worry Guys this isn't a new chapter this is just me fixing this one ArbyMaster458 commented saying and I quote "Isn't it Shikamaru they're looking for?" so I looked back and saw messed up and put Doug instead of Shikamaru so ArbyMaster458 I truly thank you.


	6. A Trip To The Police Station

Random Cop: After we take the mug shots,

we bring them down here...

...where they wait to be interviewed

by the arresting officers.

Trust me, kids, you do not

wanna be sitting on these benches.

We call this place Loserville.

(Children Laughing)

Random Cop: Follow me.

All right, let's do it. Come on.

(Kid tries to take picture of Gaara)

(Camera Phone Click)

(Gaara Kick Phone Out Of Kids Hand)

Temari: Hello.

Naruto: Hey, Temari! It's Naruto.

Temari: Hey, Naruto.

Temari: Where are you guys?

Naruto: We are at the spa at the hotel.

Temari: Cool. We're just getting some sun.

Is Shikamaru around?

Naruto: Of course. Why wouldn't he be?

Temari: I'm just wondering

why you're calling me.

Naruto: Um...

We made a deal,

no talking to girlfriends or wives.

So we're all calling each other's.

Temari: Okay. What's up?

Naruto: Uh, you are not gonna believe this.

We got comped an extra night

at the hotel.

Temari: You did?

Naruto: Yeah. The suite is... It's ridiculous.

It's out of control!

There's, like, room service and a butler.

I mean, just the works.

We're thinking of spending the night...

...and we're gonna come back

in the morning.

Temari: You wanna stay an extra night?

But the wedding's tomorrow.

Naruto: That's why we're gonna get up early,

and we'll be back in plenty of time.

Temari: Okay. Are you sure that's a good idea?

Another Random Cop: Uzumaki, Uchiha, Sabaku. Room 3.

Naruto: Okay, Trace, I gotta go.

We'll talk to you later.

Temari: Uh...

Another Random Cop: Come on, chop-chop.

Naruto and Sasuke: Okay, spin around.

Gaara: That's it.

Sasuke: Goddamn it.

Naruto: Wait a second.

Sasuke: I'll go over. I'll go over.

Stop pulling.

Gaara: Can you just...? Hold on.

Naruto: We got it. Alan, just relax.

Sasuke: And then just... There we go.

Good.

Cop: Gentlemen.

We've got some good news,

and we've got some bad news.

The good news is

we found your Mercedes.

Sasuke: That's great news.

Naruto: That's great. See?

Cop: Yeah, it's over at impound right now.

We picked it up at 5 a.m. this morning...

...parked in the middle

of Las Vegas Boulevard.

Naruto:In the middle. That's weird.

Cop: Yeah, that is weird.

There was also a note.

It says, uh, "Couldn't find a meter,

but here's 4 bucks."

The bad news is...

...we can't get you in front of a judge

until Monday morning.

Naruto: Oh, no, uh, officer,

that's just impossible.

No, we need to be in L.A.

tomorrow for a wedding.

Lady Cop: You stole a police car.

Sasuke: We didn't steal anything.

Um, we found it.

Gaara: Yeah, if anything, we deserve a reward

or something, like a trophy.

Cop: I see assholes like you every day.

Lady Cop: Every fucking day.

Cop: Let's go to Vegas,

we'll all get drunk and laid!

Lady Cop: Yeah. Whoo! Woo-hoo.

Cop: Woo-hoo.

Let's steal a cop car,

because it'd be really fucking funny."

Lady Cop: Think you gonna get away with it?

Not up in here.

Cop: Not up in here!

Naruto: Oh.

Uh...

Sir...

...if I may, um...

...I'm assuming that that squad car

belongs to one of you.

Cop: Yeah.

Naruto: Yeah.

Look, I'm not a cop.

I'm no hero. I'm a schoolteacher.

But if one of my kids went missing

on a field trip...

...that would look really bad on me.

Cop: What are you getting at?

Sasuke: Yeah, Naruto, what are you getting at?

Naruto: No one wants to look bad.

We gotta get to a wedding...

...and you guys don't need people

talking about...

...how some obnoxious tourists

borrowed your squad car last night.

But look, the point is,

I think we can work out a deal.

Discreetly of course, ma'am.

What do you say?

(Lady Cop Slides Over Clipboard)

Cop: Hahahahaha

Let me ask you a question:

Do, uh, any of you gentlemen have a

heart condition or anything like that?

Naruto: Uh, no.

Cop: Okay, kids,

you're in for a real treat today.

These gentlemen have kindly volunteered

to demonstrate...

...how a stun gun is used

to subdue a suspect.

Kids: Ooh!

Sasuke: That's right.

Naruto: Wait a sec. What?

Cop: Now, there's two ways to use

a stun gun. Up close and personal.

Naruto: What the fuck?

Cop: Or you can shoot it from a distance.

Do I have any volunteers?

You wanna come up here

and do some shooting? Huh?

All right, how about you, young lady?

Come on up here. All right.

Let's go, handsome, come on.

(Gaara Walks Up)

Cop: Not you, fat Jesus, slide it on back.

You, pretty boy.

Gaara: Fat Jesus.

Cop: All right, now,

it's real simple.

All you gotta do is point,

aim and shoot.

All right?

Naruto: Okay, look.

You don't really wanna do this.

Cop: You can do this. Just focus.

Naruto: Don't listen to this maniac.

Let's think this through.

Cop: Finish him!

Naruto: Oh, fuck.

Cop: Yeah!

Right in the nuts! That was beautiful.

Well done. Give her a hand, everybody.

Lady Cop: Good job. Good job.

Cop: Good job. Well done. Good job.

That was great.

Good. Hey, we got

one more charge left.

Anybody wanna do some

shooting up here?

How about you, big man?

Come on up here.

(Kid Gaara Kicked Phone From Walks Up In Slow Motion)

Cop: Okay, same instructions.

Just point, aim and shoot.

There you go. That's the stuff.

I like the intensity.

Eye of the tiger. Good.

You're holding 50,000 volts, little man.

Don't be afraid to ride the lightning.

In the face! In the face!

Oh, he's still up. He's still up.

Kids: Aah!

Gaara: No.

Cop: All right, everybody relax, take it easy.

We've seen it before.

He just needs a little extra charge.

There we go.

Some of these big boys,

you gotta give them two shots.

All right, kids, who wants to get

their fingerprints done, huh?

Come on, let's go.


End file.
